Just Cause for Divorce

My thoughts this day are on divorce. A close friend of my mind is going through a nasty marital situation which I'm fairly confident will end up in divorce. His wife for several years has been cheating on him and each time she supposedly had changed her ways and came back to him only for him to find out once again that she had never really changed. This time it is looking like they may have separated for good. This friend of mine is torn. At one moment he hates her and at the other he desperately wishes she would come back. Emotionally he still loves her and doesn't want to give up on her, yet, from her behavior over these last few years it seems so very indicative of the fact that she doesn't want to change at all.

The question to ask is at what point is Divorce justified? Reading my scriptures this morning Jesus Christ taught that divorce is ok if the wife/husband is caught in fornication. What other elements might be reason for divorce? Modern day apostles of the Lord Jesus Christ has taught that a "prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being" might be grounds for a divorce (President James E. Faust, Aug. 2004, "Fathers, Mothers, and Marriage")

However, I know of couples that divorce because they have fallen out of love, or they disagree on some aspect of parenting, or they just get tired of the relationship. These reasons I have a hard time understanding why you would divorce. At one point you were in love, why can't you be able to rekindle that love once again?

Some people will divorce because they think they will be happier once they are out of the relationship. However, Elder Oaks taught that for many couples it creates a long-term headache in their lives especially if there is children involved. He cited research of a long-term study that found that couples who divorced were not any happier after the divorce (Oaks, Divorce,Ensign, May 2007, p 70-73). If couples can stick it out, get therapy and are working on the relationship the majority of them can get back to the same level of happiness within five years (Oaks, Divorce).

For these couples Elder Oaks advice is to do the following:

“If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony “. (Oaks, Divorce).

However, the challenge for me is when only one partner wants to work on the relationship. In the case of my friend it seems that only one of them wants to make things work. Him and others in similar situations may be beating themselves up, but we have to remember that “We cannot control and we are not responsible for the choices of others, even when they impact us so painfully “ (Oaks, Divorce). If someone is refusing to seek help and refuses to fix the problems that are so very grievous I think that after some serious discussions with God it's ok if they move forward with divorce. It will still be a very hard thing to end their relationship but I think it's harder still being in that situation.

However, I don't think we can judge anyone on what they choose to do in their particular situation all we can do is try to help where we can. We should strive to be a friend and lift and support to the best way we feel inspired to do.  

What are your thoughts?  When is divorce justified?  What advice would you give to my friend?  Should he try to get back together with his wife?  (Please be sensitive in your comments or I will have to remove them).