My thoughts this day
are on divorce. A close friend of my mind is going through a nasty
marital situation which I'm fairly confident will end up in divorce.
His wife for several years has been cheating on him and each time she
supposedly had changed her ways and came back to him only for him to
find out once again that she had never really changed. This time it
is looking like they may have separated for good. This friend of
mine is torn. At one moment he hates her and at the other he
desperately wishes she would come back. Emotionally he still loves
her and doesn't want to give up on her, yet, from her behavior over
these last few years it seems so very indicative of the fact that she
doesn't want to change at all.
The question to ask
is at what point is Divorce justified? Reading my scriptures this
morning Jesus Christ taught that divorce is ok if the wife/husband is
caught in fornication. What other elements might be reason for divorce? Modern
day apostles of the Lord Jesus Christ has taught that a "prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being" might be grounds for a divorce (President James E. Faust, Aug. 2004, "Fathers, Mothers, and Marriage")
However, I know of
couples that divorce because they have fallen out of love, or they
disagree on some aspect of parenting, or they just get tired of the
relationship. These reasons I have a hard time understanding why you
would divorce. At one point you were in love, why can't you be able
to rekindle that love once again?
Some people will
divorce because they think they will be happier once they are out of
the relationship. However, Elder Oaks taught that for many couples
it creates a long-term headache in their lives especially if there is
children involved. He cited research of a long-term study that found
that couples who divorced were not any happier after the divorce (Oaks, Divorce,Ensign, May 2007, p 70-73). If couples can stick it out, get
therapy and are working on the relationship the majority of them can
get back to the same level of happiness within five years (Oaks, Divorce).
For these couples
Elder Oaks advice is to do the following:
“If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony “. (Oaks, Divorce).
However, the
challenge for me is when only one partner wants to work on the
relationship. In the case of my friend it seems that only one of
them wants to make things work. Him and others in similar situations
may be beating themselves up, but we have to remember that “We
cannot control and we are not responsible for the choices of others,
even when they impact us so painfully “ (Oaks, Divorce). If
someone is refusing to seek help and refuses to fix the problems that
are so very grievous I think that after some serious discussions
with God it's ok if they move forward with divorce. It will still be
a very hard thing to end their relationship but I think it's harder
still being in that situation.
However, I don't
think we can judge anyone on what they choose to do in their
particular situation all we can do is try to help where we can. We
should strive to be a friend and lift and support to the best way we
feel inspired to do.
What are your thoughts? When is divorce justified? What advice would you give to my friend? Should he try to get back together with his wife? (Please be sensitive in your comments or I will have to remove them).
What are your thoughts? When is divorce justified? What advice would you give to my friend? Should he try to get back together with his wife? (Please be sensitive in your comments or I will have to remove them).
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