Bridles and the Law of Chastity

I teach a children's class to 9-10 year old as a part of program in our church called the Primary.  This week I am teaching a lesson on bridling our tongues and how that can help us to become a more perfect man.  The lesson centers around the teachings of Bishop James in James 3:2-13.  I wish however to not talk about controlling our tongues in this lesson but controlling another aspect of our body and obeying the Law of Chastity.  This law is that you will have no sexual relationships with anyone outside of your husband or wife to whom you are married, both lawfully (God's law) and legally (Civil Law).

Most civil and religious marriages have some concept of this principle and commonly term it as being faithful to your spouse.  In my religion, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS, or Mormons as some call us), we are married for time and all eternity in special buildings we call temples.  As part of that marriage we make a covenant (an agreement between us and God) that we will keep this sacred principle.

This is near and dear to my heart at the moment as I have someone close to me who is considering divorce because his wife has repeatedly violated these promises she made when they were married.  I do not know what circumstances in their marriage led to her deciding to break this most basic and integral part of their marriage relationship.  I cannot judge actions by either partner of which I am unaware of, but what I wish to focus on is honoring our commitments to remain chaste in marriage and how this can save so much heart-break.

Let us follow the teachings of James and I will explain to you what I wish to teach my primary children but I will apply it to the matter of controlling our sexual appetite.  First the concept of self-control, why must we exercise self-control in anything at all?  Should we not be able to do what we want, when we want, and however way we want?  How does restricting what things we can or can't do help us to be happy at all?

Consider the picture of the horse and the bridle.  Wouldn't it be great if we didn't have to worry about the hassle of saddling and bridling the horse?  How nice it would be if we could just jump on the horse and go wherever we wanted without having to deal with the annoyance of getting the horse ready so we could ride it.  However, most riders would find that if they rode a horse in this manner it may initially start in the direction you wanted to go, but you would not end up at your chosen destination.  The horse is in control and will go wherever the horse wishes to go.  It may even chose to discard it's rider much to your detriment and pain.  By bridling the horse the rider can direct the horse in the direction he or she wishes to go.  The horse has a master and through restrictions the rider stays in control.

In the same way when we throw off all restrictions we find ourselves becoming restricted.  By choosing to eat whatever we want whenever we want, we find that while we may have initial freedoms the long term health consequences of our actions can be things such as diabetes, heart disease, and a variety of other problems.  If we want to live it high by consuming all kinds of drugs or drinking, addictions can form if an individual cannot limit or moderate their consumption.  For many individuals their genetics are such that even the tiniest amount can form a life-long addiction.  We may initially embark feeling that we can stop at any time, but in many cases our habits or addictions end up controlling us.

This same concept applies to our sexual appetites.  We can apply James 3:5 from the Bible (specifically the New Testament).

Even so [our sexual drive] is a little member, and boasteth great things.  Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!

Our desire for physical intimacy can be a little member, but oh the fire's it can kindle if we are not able to exhibit self-control.  Not only are there issues of STD's or out-of-wedlock pregnancies, but the very core trust in our married relationship can be destroyed if we make a promise of faithfulness and we do not live up to.

It may be that we seek to gratify our physical needs through just a "little" bit of things such as pornography or masturbation, but these things end up controlling us rather than us being in control. A person I know has just recently abandoned his wife and children because this little fire of pornography grew so out of control.  What started as just a small but grievous sin, grew into a raging fire that destroyed everything around him.  I hope that he will be able to rebuild his life and the live of his family but it will take time.

Something my wife and I have done to help ourselves stay on the same page is to have a checkup with each other once a week.  We typically do this on Sunday when the kids have gone to sleep.  We ask each other how we've been, how our thoughts have been, if we've seen anything or participated in any kind of temptation.  This has been so helpful to me as it's held me accountable.  The few times I have slipped and done things that I knew my wife would not be ok with I've been able to have an open and honest conversation with her.  Rather than her blowing up and getting angry she seeks to see how she can help me, we set goals, and we work together to overcome these issues.  I do the same thing for her (although I'll say she is much better at avoiding addicting or bad habits than I am).

We do need to bridle our passions but we don't have to do it alone.  We have God's help and we have the help of our family.  If you aren't married you could still have a trusted friend you can work with to help you in your hours of need.  I have friends who do this and it so helpful.  I highly recommend it.  Our Savior Jesus Christ is also always there to help.